I was at the video store recently, looking at the ‘B’ movies. I love ‘B’ movies. I was especially intrigued by one called Beneath Loch Ness, which promised “Sixty Feet of Prehistoric Terror”. Very exciting, and certainly a rental bargain.

Next to it was another movie called Boa (aka New Alcatraz) which promised a full “100 Feet of Prehistoric Terror”. Obviously, the second movie represented a 67% better rental value, but I was still undecided.

So I wandered the store awhile, pondering. And what should I come across but a cinematic gem called Megalodon. This movie, which like Beneath Loch Ness claims “Sixty Feet of Prehistoric Terror”, features Mark Sheppard, who had also starred in the earlier Boa. Clearly, this indicates a reduction in Mr. Sheppard’s terror-bringing capabilities. I hope his career recovers from this unfortunate setback, but it is still a considerable achievement. After all, how many of us can claim that in our entire lives we’ve inspired more than a half dozen feet of Prehistoric Terror? Certainly not I.

I was, understandably, torn. I calculated that if I was careful about using coupons, I could rent a full 220 feet of Prehistoric Terror for under ten bucks. On a per-foot basis that was an excellent deal, but the thought occurred to me that where there was 220 feet, there might well be more. I decided to postpone these rentals and search for other sources of large linear units of Prehistoric Terror. With luck, I hope to locate a full hundred yards and set it loose at the local football field as a prank.

I rented The Bourne Identity instead, which made no advertising claims about Prehistoric Terror whatsoever.